TOP 9 INAPPROPRIATE NAMES FOR "THE UNDERWEAR BOMBER"

Some chatty cathies on the net aren’t happy with the mainstream media. The latest curfuffle: Disagreement over what to call Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who Christmas Day botched an attempt to explode a plane but did manage a successful explosion in his pants. And not the sexy kind.

So far “The Underwear Bomber” seems to be nudging out “Pants Bomber” for top byte-worthy nickname, but shows all the creative spark of (not making these up) "The Clearasil Bandit" or the "Sunglasses Bandit" or "The English Major Bandit" or the "Prostitute Killer". The last of these, of course, not exactly a helpful distinguishing factor as I assume most if not all of the general populace, at one time or another, has murdered a whore or two.

Face it, the press hasn’t had an original or clever nickname since the days of Deep Throat or the Zodiac Killer, nor one so deliciously riddled with innuendo. And certainly no one with more potential for a really catchy and demeaning label.

TOP 9 RUNNER-UP NAMES FOR THE "UNDERWEAR BOMBER"

1) The BVD Terrorist – BVD in this case standing for Butt Vortice Detonator

2) The Bum-Bomber might be appropriate for British markets. Also on deck: Ol' Naughty Knickers.

3) Sludge Bomb McFudge Pants for more kid-friendly publications like Weekly Reader.

4) Panty Bomber – heard a talk radio host coin this, and while not especially imaginative it got me thinking, Was Umar wearing women’s underclothes? If so, this mundane failed-bomb-plot-due-to-soiling-oneself-come-genital-mutilation story just got interesting.

5) Poo-Bomber – rhymes with Shoe Bomber, the much more dignified goof-up by Richard Reid

6) The Spice Island Scorcher – some explanation required (though none provided)

7) Jockstrap Jihadi is alliterative and jaunty

8) The Gooch Who Stole Christmas - too seasonal?

9) Fruit of the Boom – maybe a better headline than a designation; the Times could resurrect print journalism with that kinda wordplay.